"A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship." from http://www.urbandictionary.com/
It has also been described as the opposite of jealousy. I totally get it. I feel compersion all the time with Maria. I love it when she goes out on dates by herself and comes home and tells me about it. I love watching her fuck other people. It always drives me crazy. It turned out, sort of by accident, that our first swinging experience was with me watching Maria fuck another guy for the most part. The guy would get nervous when I was close or in the room so I ended up standing outside the bedroom listening to Maria get fucked while I sometime would peek in through the slightly open door.
I should have been mad or upset. Instead I was more turned on then I had ever been in my life. It's weird because even after that experience it took years for it to sink in that I really enjoyed this feeling of compersion. For years we sought out the single bi babe or couples with bi ladies. Over the years I would find myself really enjoying just watching Maria play as much as the sex with another lady. I always would joke with her that she was my favorite all time porn star. She still is. :-)
I think this has manifested itself in the GBs we go to. Sometimes I go on my own. Please, don't get me wrong, I always have an AMAZING time when I go on my own but... it's never the same as when Maria goes with me. When Maria goes with me it's like one of those Viagra commercials. I get an erection that lasts for 5 hours! Really... I just look over and watch all the different guys playing with her all night and it keeps me hard for hours. The parties are always so much better for me when she's there. I can fuck all night. Because of compersion.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Sex Positive thoughts...
Body image and looks are of course a big part of sexuality. Many people base their attractions solely on looks. Many people look for a certain type of body or look that turns them on and have no interest in anything else.
We understand that. When we first started swinging we were only looking for people that we thought were "hot" and under 30. We would routinely blow off any couple that was over 30 no matter how hot they looked. We were in our mid-20's. That's what we felt comfortable with at the time. We also at that point, in general, were only interested in thinner or HWP people. We had no interest in the BBW scene at that time. Were we young and vain? I think we were a normal 20 something couple getting started in the lifestyle. We had more rules and limits when we started.
I remember long ago being at a swingers party. We were approached by a couple that was larger. They asked us if we wanted to play and we told them we weren't interested. They gave us a lecture about how we should be more sex positive. That we should try to play with other types of people and give them a chance. They told us they were both amazing in bed and we were going to miss out and it was our fault. We drove home that night (after not finding anyone else to play with because we were being picky) and talked about it. Where they right? At the time we thought they were sort of crazy. Sex is about attraction right? You've gotta find someone to be physically attractive to enjoy having sex with them right?
To that end sometimes I wonder if swingers are sort of superficial in a way? We often decide if we're interested in another couple based on looks. We also often decide based on just a few small thumbnail sized pix on a web site. But something we've learned over the years is that good sex isn't all about looks.
So I've mentioned before that I go to a GB club that I love. Maria goes as well and always loves the parties. When I first found out about these parties I went on my own a few times. Maria wanted me to check it out and let her know what I thought before she went. It was a little different than any other swinger type thing I had ever gone to before in one big way. It was assumed that you would be participating in the sexual activity. The rules of the club where that watching all night wasn't allowed. But when you signed up for the parties you never knew who was going to be there. Every party has 30 guys and 5 ladies and you never knew who the guys or ladies would be. No pix or profiles to look at beforehand. A total mystery.
For years when I started in the lifestyle I would have never considered going to a party where I didn't know what the ladies looked like. Maria would have never gone to a party where she couldn't see/approve of all of the guys that would be there. I think this is pretty much standard for most swingers. They want to know what they're getting into! These GB parties were very different.
I went to the party and it turned out to be like a lot of swinger parties I had been to before in terms of the crowd. Some of the ladies were really hot. Some of them not as much. The guys were the same way. A wide range of ages and looks and body types. But everyone was really friendly and the whole scene was really hot. The parties were really well organized and well run. They would start fairly early and on time. The sex would last for hours. I loved the few parties I went to on my own and convinced Maria that she should try it as well. She LOVED it! Now she goes every few months. We're going next weekend as a matter of fact.
She's discovered something interesting over the past year or two going to the parties. It seems like often how good the sex is has nothing to do with how attracted she is to the person physically. Sometimes she's see a guy who she thinks is hot and when he starts to fuck her it isn't happening. There's just something about it. Their rhythm? The chemistry? Who knows but the sex isn't that great. Then sometimes a guy who she would never think of approaching will start to fuck her and it's AMAZING. He'll hit all the right buttons for some reason. It's kind of weird that there seems to be this disconnect sometimes. Of course the most awesome thing is when the guy is hot and he's good in bed!
But we've talked about it. She's said that she's often surprised because the guys who she had the most fun with that night are guys that if she had seen them on a swingers web site are the ones she would have never thought twice about. Skip. Onto the next profile. But in person, in real life, if you give them a chance they can be amazing.
I think that's why we love these GB parties so much? They just have a really fun sex positive atmosphere. People aren't judged solely on their looks. Maria will fuck lots of different guys and is so often surprised by the guys who really hit her buttons. It's sort of a joyful night of discovery. We both feel like they've made us more open as people just in general. Never underestimate the capacity of individual humans to amaze you! Can't wait till next Saturday when we go again. :-)
We understand that. When we first started swinging we were only looking for people that we thought were "hot" and under 30. We would routinely blow off any couple that was over 30 no matter how hot they looked. We were in our mid-20's. That's what we felt comfortable with at the time. We also at that point, in general, were only interested in thinner or HWP people. We had no interest in the BBW scene at that time. Were we young and vain? I think we were a normal 20 something couple getting started in the lifestyle. We had more rules and limits when we started.
I remember long ago being at a swingers party. We were approached by a couple that was larger. They asked us if we wanted to play and we told them we weren't interested. They gave us a lecture about how we should be more sex positive. That we should try to play with other types of people and give them a chance. They told us they were both amazing in bed and we were going to miss out and it was our fault. We drove home that night (after not finding anyone else to play with because we were being picky) and talked about it. Where they right? At the time we thought they were sort of crazy. Sex is about attraction right? You've gotta find someone to be physically attractive to enjoy having sex with them right?
To that end sometimes I wonder if swingers are sort of superficial in a way? We often decide if we're interested in another couple based on looks. We also often decide based on just a few small thumbnail sized pix on a web site. But something we've learned over the years is that good sex isn't all about looks.
So I've mentioned before that I go to a GB club that I love. Maria goes as well and always loves the parties. When I first found out about these parties I went on my own a few times. Maria wanted me to check it out and let her know what I thought before she went. It was a little different than any other swinger type thing I had ever gone to before in one big way. It was assumed that you would be participating in the sexual activity. The rules of the club where that watching all night wasn't allowed. But when you signed up for the parties you never knew who was going to be there. Every party has 30 guys and 5 ladies and you never knew who the guys or ladies would be. No pix or profiles to look at beforehand. A total mystery.
For years when I started in the lifestyle I would have never considered going to a party where I didn't know what the ladies looked like. Maria would have never gone to a party where she couldn't see/approve of all of the guys that would be there. I think this is pretty much standard for most swingers. They want to know what they're getting into! These GB parties were very different.
I went to the party and it turned out to be like a lot of swinger parties I had been to before in terms of the crowd. Some of the ladies were really hot. Some of them not as much. The guys were the same way. A wide range of ages and looks and body types. But everyone was really friendly and the whole scene was really hot. The parties were really well organized and well run. They would start fairly early and on time. The sex would last for hours. I loved the few parties I went to on my own and convinced Maria that she should try it as well. She LOVED it! Now she goes every few months. We're going next weekend as a matter of fact.
She's discovered something interesting over the past year or two going to the parties. It seems like often how good the sex is has nothing to do with how attracted she is to the person physically. Sometimes she's see a guy who she thinks is hot and when he starts to fuck her it isn't happening. There's just something about it. Their rhythm? The chemistry? Who knows but the sex isn't that great. Then sometimes a guy who she would never think of approaching will start to fuck her and it's AMAZING. He'll hit all the right buttons for some reason. It's kind of weird that there seems to be this disconnect sometimes. Of course the most awesome thing is when the guy is hot and he's good in bed!
But we've talked about it. She's said that she's often surprised because the guys who she had the most fun with that night are guys that if she had seen them on a swingers web site are the ones she would have never thought twice about. Skip. Onto the next profile. But in person, in real life, if you give them a chance they can be amazing.
I think that's why we love these GB parties so much? They just have a really fun sex positive atmosphere. People aren't judged solely on their looks. Maria will fuck lots of different guys and is so often surprised by the guys who really hit her buttons. It's sort of a joyful night of discovery. We both feel like they've made us more open as people just in general. Never underestimate the capacity of individual humans to amaze you! Can't wait till next Saturday when we go again. :-)
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Funny/weird story
So this is the kind of thing that could only happen in my life!
I had a situation about a year ago that I wasn't sure how to handle. It was a little weird. I go to these GB parties about once a month that I love. Maria goes about 4 or so times a year herself. They are amazing parties and we love them. There is a grrl/lady/woman who is part of the staff and at almost every party. I'll call her Marceline. I think she went to the second ever party I went to at this place a couple of years ago. As soon as I saw her it was lust at first sight. I have a wide range of types of women that I'm attracted to but she hit a lot of my buttons! She has sort of a punk look. Short hair that is often dyed different colors. Her body is covered with tattoos. Tall with super long sexy legs. She likes to wear heels that make her legs look even more amazing. Plus I learned when she played at the parties that she was amazing and fun in bed. When she would cum her whole body would shake. (and she would cum a LOT!)
So I would go to the parties and she would often be there. Sometimes she would play and often she would just work as a staff member. We would talk and as I got to know her more I thought she was really cool and interesting on top of having a hot body. Maria got to meet her as well since she would go to the parties. Maria also thought she had an amazing body and was fun to talk to. She had her own sex blog and I started to read it. In fact I can say that her blog pretty much was the inspiration for me to start my own. It was clear from reading it that she not only had a hot body but she was also highly intelligent. Now I was even more in lust with her!
Then about a year ago I went to one of the GB parties on my own. Maria couldn't make it that month. I ended up talking to Marceline for a long time that night. Somehow the topic of Loudon Wainwright came up. We both loved Loudon but our respective S.O.'s didn't. He was also going to be performing in about a month at a place near us. She told me that she would be happy to go out on a date with me for the night and see the show. I was like, "really?!" A "date"? Cool! We also figured out that we both worked just a few minutes from each other. Perhaps we could "get together" some time after work? We ended up figuring out how to contact each other by email and started sending each other notes back and forth.
This is where it got a little weird. It seemed like for a month or two we did this sort of dance around each other. It turned out the show was sold out but we started talking about making plans to "hang out" after work some time. But what did "hang out" mean? Did it mean going to a bar and having a drink and talking for a bit? Or did it mean going to a hotel room and fucking each other for hours? It seemed sort of silly in a way. We had already met each other many times, talked and knew we liked each other. We had also already had sex together many times! But it had always been in the context of the GB parties with a bunch of other people around. Hooking up for sex together one on one somehow seemed different?
Now, part of the problem, and I'll be totally upfront about this, was me. After all these years of swinging there is still a big part of me that is a 16 year old boy who is insecure and doesn't know how to talk to girls. I'm still a big dork sometimes. I'm not a suave slick swinger. I'm not a Casanova. I'm still basically kind of shy and awkward. I was still sort of amazed that Marceline would even be interested in me.
After a month or two of emails back and forth talking about trying to get together sometime but not really getting to what we would do if we got together I sat down and talked to Maria. Once again I think this is something that could only happen in my life! I asked her what she thought I should do? Should I just make a date with her to "hang out" and see what happened? Or should I tell her that what I really wanted to do was take her to a hotel room for an evening and fuck for hours? Maria told me that she thought I should just lay it out and be direct. See what she said. That way I would finally know what she was thinking. So I took her advice. I sent her a note flat out asking her if she wanted to meet after work sometime soon and get a hotel room together. She wrote back quickly and said "yes"! I told Maria and she was happy for me.
Once again I think most people would find this shocking and amazing. Me, talking to my wife and getting advice about how to hook up with another lady? How many couples do that?!
We ended up making plans to meet. Our idea of a fun night together would be to meet at the hotel., bring some good music to listen to, bring our computers so we could also watch some cool/fun cartoons together, order a pizza while we were there, and fuck for hours! We did just that and it was amazing. Some of the most phenomenal sex I've ever had outside of Maria. It was an amazing fun night.
That was a year ago. Now we get together every few months. We don't meet every week. We don't meet even once a month. But every few months we get together and have a great night together. Once Maria and I met her at a swingers club and the three of us had a really fun night together. That's another story! We'll be seeing her in a few weeks when Maria and I go to the next GB. Then we're really looking forward to the end of June when we already have a date set up with her and another guy we know from the GB club. The four of us are going to have an epic 4sum! It should be a lot of fun because both Marceline and Maria have played with the other guy and both really like him and he really likes both of them as well. It can be hard to make up a 4sum where everyone is into it. Everyone is going to be VERY into it in this case!
So many great times, and all I had to do was ask.
I had a situation about a year ago that I wasn't sure how to handle. It was a little weird. I go to these GB parties about once a month that I love. Maria goes about 4 or so times a year herself. They are amazing parties and we love them. There is a grrl/lady/woman who is part of the staff and at almost every party. I'll call her Marceline. I think she went to the second ever party I went to at this place a couple of years ago. As soon as I saw her it was lust at first sight. I have a wide range of types of women that I'm attracted to but she hit a lot of my buttons! She has sort of a punk look. Short hair that is often dyed different colors. Her body is covered with tattoos. Tall with super long sexy legs. She likes to wear heels that make her legs look even more amazing. Plus I learned when she played at the parties that she was amazing and fun in bed. When she would cum her whole body would shake. (and she would cum a LOT!)
So I would go to the parties and she would often be there. Sometimes she would play and often she would just work as a staff member. We would talk and as I got to know her more I thought she was really cool and interesting on top of having a hot body. Maria got to meet her as well since she would go to the parties. Maria also thought she had an amazing body and was fun to talk to. She had her own sex blog and I started to read it. In fact I can say that her blog pretty much was the inspiration for me to start my own. It was clear from reading it that she not only had a hot body but she was also highly intelligent. Now I was even more in lust with her!
Then about a year ago I went to one of the GB parties on my own. Maria couldn't make it that month. I ended up talking to Marceline for a long time that night. Somehow the topic of Loudon Wainwright came up. We both loved Loudon but our respective S.O.'s didn't. He was also going to be performing in about a month at a place near us. She told me that she would be happy to go out on a date with me for the night and see the show. I was like, "really?!" A "date"? Cool! We also figured out that we both worked just a few minutes from each other. Perhaps we could "get together" some time after work? We ended up figuring out how to contact each other by email and started sending each other notes back and forth.
This is where it got a little weird. It seemed like for a month or two we did this sort of dance around each other. It turned out the show was sold out but we started talking about making plans to "hang out" after work some time. But what did "hang out" mean? Did it mean going to a bar and having a drink and talking for a bit? Or did it mean going to a hotel room and fucking each other for hours? It seemed sort of silly in a way. We had already met each other many times, talked and knew we liked each other. We had also already had sex together many times! But it had always been in the context of the GB parties with a bunch of other people around. Hooking up for sex together one on one somehow seemed different?
Now, part of the problem, and I'll be totally upfront about this, was me. After all these years of swinging there is still a big part of me that is a 16 year old boy who is insecure and doesn't know how to talk to girls. I'm still a big dork sometimes. I'm not a suave slick swinger. I'm not a Casanova. I'm still basically kind of shy and awkward. I was still sort of amazed that Marceline would even be interested in me.
After a month or two of emails back and forth talking about trying to get together sometime but not really getting to what we would do if we got together I sat down and talked to Maria. Once again I think this is something that could only happen in my life! I asked her what she thought I should do? Should I just make a date with her to "hang out" and see what happened? Or should I tell her that what I really wanted to do was take her to a hotel room for an evening and fuck for hours? Maria told me that she thought I should just lay it out and be direct. See what she said. That way I would finally know what she was thinking. So I took her advice. I sent her a note flat out asking her if she wanted to meet after work sometime soon and get a hotel room together. She wrote back quickly and said "yes"! I told Maria and she was happy for me.
Once again I think most people would find this shocking and amazing. Me, talking to my wife and getting advice about how to hook up with another lady? How many couples do that?!
We ended up making plans to meet. Our idea of a fun night together would be to meet at the hotel., bring some good music to listen to, bring our computers so we could also watch some cool/fun cartoons together, order a pizza while we were there, and fuck for hours! We did just that and it was amazing. Some of the most phenomenal sex I've ever had outside of Maria. It was an amazing fun night.
That was a year ago. Now we get together every few months. We don't meet every week. We don't meet even once a month. But every few months we get together and have a great night together. Once Maria and I met her at a swingers club and the three of us had a really fun night together. That's another story! We'll be seeing her in a few weeks when Maria and I go to the next GB. Then we're really looking forward to the end of June when we already have a date set up with her and another guy we know from the GB club. The four of us are going to have an epic 4sum! It should be a lot of fun because both Marceline and Maria have played with the other guy and both really like him and he really likes both of them as well. It can be hard to make up a 4sum where everyone is into it. Everyone is going to be VERY into it in this case!
So many great times, and all I had to do was ask.
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