When you start in the swinging lifestyle you'll soon realize that every couple has their own set of "rules". Rules are fine in swinging. We have our own set of rules ourselves. We think these rules are really important for every couple to talk about and think about when you start swinging.
For instance. One of the most basic rules is are you going to be a full swap or soft swap couple? Full swap couples in a nutshell like to fuck other people. Swap wives and have full fun fucking sex. Soft swap are couples who are more comfortable doing everything with other people except intercourse. Some soft swap couples are voyeurs who only want to watch.
We're a full swap couple. We like to fuck! In fact, to be honest, we don't "get" soft swap. It just seems like such a tease. We like to go all the way!
Then do you play together always or do you sometimes play apart?
When we first started swinging we were really young and came into it with the idea that we had an open relationship. We could both do whatever we wanted as long as we told our partner. We found our first couple and a few other people and we quickly realized that people were all to happy to play with Maria on her own but it was almost impossible for me to play on my own. Especially before the internet I think it was a lot easier for hot bi 20 something ladies to find willing guys than it was for single guys in the lifestyle. The double standard was even worse back in the day.
I'll admit it. I got jealous. Jealousy is one of the emotions that you have to learn to deal with as swingers. It's natural and human. So for years we agreed that we would only play together. That worked out just fine for us for years and I think that's how the majority of swingers play. Many swingers see swinging as a couples activity. It's something that couples do together to enhance their relationship with each other. If you swing apart it isn't "real" swinging. It's something else.
We understand that. But we also play apart from time to time at this point as well. We started playing apart after we had been in the lifestyle for over ten years. We had a few kids and were playing with another couple on a regular basis and were really comfy with them. We had a date set up with them one night but our sitter cancelled on us at the last minute. We hated to ruin their evening so we talked and decided that we would be comfortable with just one of us going. We even decided to leave it up to them. Both if they were OK with that and also which one of us they wanted to join them for the evening. They were fine with just one of us joining them and we were a little surprised that they had to think about it for a while but we weren't surprised when they asked if Maria could join them for the evening.
So Maria went off to join them in a 3sum while I stayed at home. What I discovered is that I liked it! It drove me crazy when she was out wondering what she was doing. I was bouncing off the walls at home thinking about her every second. When she got home hours later the kids were asleep and she and I fucked for hours more while she told me all about it.
So now we usually play together. But we've discovered that we also like to play apart from time to time.
Which brings up another point. We think rules are great but we also think rules are made to be broken. Make rules. Follow your rules. But if a situation comes up that seems hot talk to your partner about perhaps trying to break the rules. See what happens. Then you can always talk about it and go back if it was a disaster for one of you. But if it was all good maybe you should change your rules?
We've found a few times that when we break the rules together we discover that we've discovered something hot and sexy that we really enjoy. I think the longer you've been doing this stuff and the more comfortable you are with each other, and the better you communicate, the easier it is to break the rules. Perhaps when you first start it's better to stick to the rules and then expand your horizons when you've gotten really comfortable in the lifestyle?
One of the other rules we've run into in swinging is the kissing thing. Some couples don't like to kiss other people. Really?! You'll let me give you a facial, fuck you, and lick your ass, but you won't let me kiss you because that's "too intimate"? lol
Are you looking for just bi ladies? (The #1 most popular swinger fantasy!) Are you looking for just guys? Multiple guys? What about groups? Is there a limit to how large a group is OK? Condoms or not? Is bareback OK? What about oral? Do you swallow cum? Facials? Hair pulling? Ass slapping? Anal? Bondage? BDSM? Toys? Can you host or not? What about pix and video? What are you going to show on your swinger website profile? Face pix or not? Do you like to go to the big meet and greet parties at the clubs or do you prefer to meet in a more intimate setting? Do you play on the first date or do you prefer to just meet socially and then meet again if everyone is into it? Do you like to go to the swinger clubs and see what happens or do you prefer to meet just one couple over a quiet dinner or drinks? Are you always going to be in the same room together? Or are separate rooms OK? Some couples are into "separate room swinging".
There can be a lot to think about! But it can also be a lot of fun to talk about this stuff when you meet new people. ;-)
So if you're new to swinging you should really start thinking about all of this stuff and what your own set of rules are when you start. It will make it easier if you make the rules first instead of getting someone upset because someone broke a rule they didn't know existed.
btw... another rule of ours that we've followed for years is that you don't fuck your coworkers! It's so easy to find people on the web now. There is no point in complicating your work life and professional relationships with sex.
I'll probably think of more "rules". But enough for now. Back to the fun stuff!
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